


Professional Opinions: Watchers and Ninja

by SlowMercury



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Naruto
Genre: Community: no_true_pair, Gen, Humor, Less than canon typical violence, Ninja, Watchers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-22
Updated: 2015-01-22
Packaged: 2018-03-08 16:20:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3215591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlowMercury/pseuds/SlowMercury
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Andrew meets someone new under less than ideal circumstances, which is only to be expected whenever the words “Ah-ha-ha-ha! I have summoned the Warrior of the People, and now she shall do my bidding!” are involved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Professional Opinions: Watchers and Ninja

There was a flash of light and then a pink haired girl appeared in the middle of the chalk circle the Robed Minion of Evil had been chanting around. 

“Ah-ha-ha-ha! I have summoned the Warrior of the People, and now she shall do my bidding!” the sorcerer cackled helpfully. Being a former Minion of Evil himself, Andrew felt a jolt of pure envy at the other man’s Maniacal Laughter, combined with the stylish yet informative gloating. The best Andrew and the rest of the Trio had ever managed was snickering, and Warren had eventually made them stop because it wasn’t even menacing snickers.

“Now,” the chanter proclaimed, “kill!” He waved his hands in little shoo-ing motions at the girl he’d summoned. The motion snapped her out of her dazed perusal of the underground cave where she found herself.

 _“What the hell is going on?!”_ the pink haired girl yelled.

“Obey me, slave!” the sorcerer shouted, and Andrew felt a little better. At least when he’d been evil, he’d had better instincts. Most of the time, anyway.

The girl casually backhanded her summoner and stepped out of the carefully crafted chalk symbols.

“You,” she said, pointing a threatening finger at Andrew, the only other person present. “Explain.”

“Um,” Andrew stuttered. “Well, see that guy you just knocked off his feet unconscious? He, um, summoned you,” the girl’s expression darkened and Andrew gulped, “as a, uh, Warrior of the People, to, to be his evil slave and kill me?”

“Oh?” the pink haired girl said, green eyes blazing into his as she prowled slowly forward. Andrew gulped again, and reminded himself not to show weakness in front of predators, a lesson he’d learned through years of working with young Slayers. He found himself backing up anyway. 

The girl’s next words were deceptively calm. “How would he summon me? And why would he think I’d be his slave?”

“Magic,” Andrew said, on familiar ground. He’d been a pretty good demon summoner himself, and since he’d joined the Council he’d seen an even wider variety of harmful, exotic and downright terrifying magics. “It was black magic. Except this guy didn’t do his research right, and I think he probably drew Solid Snake’s Eye upside down. Well, it’s not actually called Solid Snake’s Eye, it’s called the Eyne of Solith Serpent, but Solid Snake is very cool and anyway the point is that he didn’t cast his magic circle correctly, so when he snagged you he got you as yourself, a Champion and Warrior of the People, instead of a brainwashed evil love slave.”

“Is ‘magic’ another term for chakra?” the girl asked, eyes narrowing in concentration.

“Um,” Andrew said. “No. Not really, no. Um. You’re not a Vampire Slayer? Because until just now I had kind of thought you were...”

“A what? What’s a Vampire Slayer?”

“In every generation, there is a Chosen One,” Andrew proclaimed dramatically.[1] “She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness... she is the Slayer!” Andrew added in a more normal tone, “There’s more than one of them now, only we kept the old speech because it’s traditional and sounds way cooler.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” pink hair said.

“That’s okay,” Andrew said gratefully. “Usually people don’t listen to me at all. Your making the attempt was very nice.” 

Andrew stopped to consider his options. If the girl wasn’t a Slayer and had superstrength – he glanced assessingly over at the dent in the cave wall the enemy sorcerer had made when he hit it; yes, she definitely had superstrength – that meant she was probably a demon. Andrew was cautiously hopeful that she was not an evil one; in spite of the blow he took, the other guy wasn’t dead. It was, of course, always possible that this pink haired demon was simply smarter than average and didn’t want to burn any bridges in an unfamiliar situation by doing too much permanent damage too soon, but Andrew’s instincts were inclined to believe that she was no danger to him unless he threatened her first. She could have killed him twice by now, anyways. 

He made up his mind to trust her temporarily and said, “I’m Andrew Wells, with the North American branch of the Watchers Council.”

“I’m Haruno Sakura,” the girl said. “I’m from the Hidden Village of Konoha in Fire Country.”

“Fire Country,” Andrew muttered, mentally running through the list of demonic homeworlds that could be translated as “Fire Country.” Of the five places he could think of, he dismissed three out of hand because Sakura was not, variously, ten feet tall with a one foot beak, a cloud of sparkly but evil gas, or blue.

“Are you a Kreena demon?” Andrew asked doubtfully. “I guess you could have tucked the tail up the back of your shirt, but then there should be a bulge in the fabric there...”

Sakura looked puzzled. “No, I’m not a Kreena,” she said. “Is that some Hidden Village clan?”

“Are you a Suzuki demon, then? I don’t see any extra eyes or fingers.” Perhaps she had cut them off?

Sakura’s expression of gathering anger answered that question. 

“So what kind of demon are you?” Andrew persisted.

“What are you _talking_ about?” Sakura demanded. “You mean like a _real_ demon? The evil spirits that can raise tsunamis and flatten mountains?!”

Andrew instantly and automatically ducked his head, trying to look small, harmless and inoffensive. “Um, maybe?”

“I’m not a demon at all! I’m human! Demons are as big as apartment buildings! How could you possibly mistake me for one!?” she raged. 

It was another point for the Not Evil side, Andrew reflected, that she didn’t attempt to hit him in spite of almost literally glowing with rage. Which was good, because Andrew’s instincts told him that one strike from her in this mood would kill him.

“You’ve got super strength,” he pointed out in a small voice. “I thought it had to be demonic...”

Sakura sighed, and ran her gloved hands through her hair. The anger drained out of her face, and she started to look a little apologetic for scaring Andrew.

“Look, I’m not a demon, okay? I’m a ninja.”

“A ninja? _Really?_ ” Andrew said, shocked into forgetting to try to seem inoffensive.

“Yes,” Sakura confirmed. 

“Truly a ninja? A real, actual, authentic, professional ninja?”

“Yes,” Sakura said in exasperation. “I am truly a real, actual, authentic, professional ninja.” Although her anger didn’t return, Sakura’s face was beginning to assume that look that meant people were considering if they’d maybe like Andrew better if they hung him upside down by his ankles and shook him a bit.[2]

Well, there was only one question left to ask, then. 

“Have you ever defeated a pirate in single combat?”

.

.

. 

[1] It was reflex. Some professional habits just get drilled in, especially when they give an excuse to speak in a low, serious voice. Andrew’s version of the Watcher’s standard spiel had an obviously faked British accent and a slight nasal whine.↩

[2] Usually, the answer was yes.↩

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written in 2008 for the [no_true_pair community](http://asylums.insanejournal.com/no_true_pair/). Also, getting these footnotes to actually _work_ was killer.


End file.
